were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
