I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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