Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
