Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
