My friends, they love my intelligence
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
