Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
