goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
