Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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