All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
