Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
