I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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