had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
