I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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