its not stalking. its research.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
