There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
