go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
