Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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