it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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