Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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