My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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