it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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