normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
