If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
