I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize