i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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