Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
