I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
