addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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