i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
