Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
