Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
