DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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