I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
