Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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