Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
