How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
