haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
