Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
