My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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