every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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