My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
