my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
