kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize