i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
