dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i believe in u and ur pee
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