Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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