you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
