i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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