I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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