just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
