Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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