Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
