In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
