I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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