I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
