dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
