piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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