my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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