i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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