george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
