what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
