ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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