Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He shit in the fireplace
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
