How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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