My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
