Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
