Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
