Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
