is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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