I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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