if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A+ Viking dick
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