I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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