Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
