How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
