roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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