I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
