I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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